I truly never thought those words would be uttered from my mouth again. I’m too evolved and too classy to become such a degenerate. WELL HERE WE ARE.

This Dark Carnival event where you earn little tokens for playing different characters has made me try and retry heroes I’ve not touched in years. Which has brought a freshness to a game that I’ve been playing for close to one and a half decades.

Are my matches filled with trolls? Yes. Are they filled with people that are playing for the first time? Also yes. Are they filled with temperamental d*ckheads that spit their dummy out immediately and throw games? Triple Yes.

And I’m loving it.

There’s one hero in particular that just brings me enormous joy. His/Their name is Techies. They lay mines, they jump in and detonate themselves, they chuck little bomblets at people.

So, you can litter the map with mines, which the opposition are able to disarm if they’re alert and react quick enough. Which ain’t happening. So you just mash up people as they navigating the map.

I’ve also played League of Legends, which their version of Techies is called Teemo. Who is this adorable little hamster thing that puts down poisonous mushrooms around the map. Triggering them causes people to take poison damage over time. Does it make me happy hearing a mushroom be detonated, knowing that the person playing is probably swearing at their screen? Abso-fugging-lutely.

I’ve revised my thoughts on Dota 2 a little. It’s still impenetrable for new players – you’re dealing with over a hundred heroes with differing abilities and properties with dozens of items to buy. I used to say that Dota 2 was an anti-game, with so many convoluted mechanics and at times, random exceptions [Pudge & Vengeful Spirit couldn’t buy Blink Dagger] – it felt like you were playing a game with a single child where they’d just make up new rules as they go along.

Even with all of that said, I’ve wasted the time learning most of that and I’ve found this to be a one of the most polished experiences in gaming. There’s a clarity when I’m playing, understanding the tides of momentum in the game where it feels like a chess match more than a Smash Brothers spam fest. I don’t know how long the Dark Carnival event will last, I’ve currently completed the whole of Act 1 and I’m still playing. For how much longer? I’m not entirely sure but I’ve thoroughly enjoyed the time I’ve spent with it since my return from exile.

So shoutout Icefrog, Shoutout Warcraft 3, Shoutout Ars-Art.